midwives that mentor us from afar
spamelita on Dec 04 2004 at 7:21 am | Filed under: Uncategorized, life of a midwife, midwife practice, unlearning midwifery
My beliefs around birth were very different when I began this path nearly 8 years ago. I was trying to heal myself above all else - heal from a horrible birth that left a deep wound in the most sacred of places. Days in school were spent just trying to figure out where I fit in - somewhere between the radical hippies and the conservative Christians. I’d try a few different personas on, thinking that in order to be a “real” midwife, I’d have to subscribe to either. That I’d have to toss my bra away and only use natural deoderant.
Years later, I realize that I’m still undergoing a metamorphasis. There is some comfort in thinking about just staying who I am forever…yet the thought brings with it some element of restraint. Suffocating. The hardest part is realizing that change often comes from pain of some sort.
It has taken me awhile to admit that some things I have done to women and families in birth was way out of integrity. I am human and even though I have certain ideas and philosophies, it doesn’t stop me from struggling with the ego monster. I always feel like ego is a natural part of life. It’s when we are unable to see it - or foolishly believe that we don’t have one - that it becomes dangerous.
So many midwives have been part of my growth and education. Like UK midwife Sarah Wickham. She has such a presence about her that makes me want to curl up with her and tell stories over wine. I’ve talked to her a number of times over the phone and via email, but something tells me that one day I’ll show up on her English doorstep and we’ll stay up all night chatting about birth and life.
Midwifery can be very isolating. However, I’m learning that it’s only isolating if I allow it to be. I’m making a commitment to be more present with my sister midwives this coming year.
What an incredible, amazing gift you will give to yourself and the midwifery community when you open up!
Something I’ve learned is that the risk in opening up is that you might get hurt, but when you remain open, that hurt doesn’t ’stick’ to you, it moves over you, shows you what you need to know, and moves on. It doesn’t have to be a forever type pain.
I thought it was incredibly brave for you to admit that you have had moments that were less than honest. So many can’t say it to themselves, much less outloud, or to someone else, or in writing. ((( What a blessing!)))
Kristina