third baby syndrome
pamela on Oct 28 2008 at 5:46 pm | Filed under: births
Those within the birth community often speak of the “third baby syndrome” (another link to discussion about it found here). Women who are pregnant with their third baby have two previous experiences that they draw comparisons from. In fact, women expect that this third pregnancy will mirror at least one of the other two.
It’s not really the case.
First off, I cannot tell you the number of third time moms that are convinced that they are having twins because the early expansion of their belly is so great compared to previous pregnancies. It’s a common theory, really, among women pregnant with their third.
Then there’s the train of thought regarding labor and birth…that there are these two other experiences and, even if those were different, we have a need to expect this labor/birth to resemble one of those.
It’s natural, of course, to think these things. And I would never tell a woman that she was wrong or that her intuition is off simply because it’s her third pregnancy. I just think there is something magically surprising about the third pregnancy/labor/birth/baby. It often catches us by surprise.
I attended the swift, sweet homebirth of a third baby yesterday. I have attended the previous two births at home and always find attending births with siblings that I’ve seen born so special. The first and the second births, while relatively normal and uncomplicated, were anything but easy for this mom. She was hesitant about believing this next birth could be different in a very positive way. Still, she was open.
She started labor at around 1am and by 6am she was holding her sweet 7lb baby boy in her arms. Labor was very different for her - more manageable and active until the last couple contractions as he was born in the caul (in his bag of water).
Anyway, we all have the possibility to experience a different pregnancy, different labor and different birth with each baby (and each baby is different so why wouldn’t this change?). I think being open to the specific journey that a baby will bring is so important. Still, like most humans do, it’s hard not to compare experiences either with ourselves or with another person.
I learned that lesson well with my 4th birth! My biggest fear in that last pregnancy was dealing with the pain of contractions…I was so fearful, that I had panic attacks, even. And in reality I had no problems dealing with my very painful first three labors, so that was quite an irrational fear.
So, in my fourth labor, I had no pain! At all! It was amazing! I didn’t even believe I was in labor, even though my ctx were <5 minutes apart, and the midwife told me she was coming to my house. I felt a lot of discomfort as my pelvis was opening to let baby through, but no actual pain. I was high on the endorphins from that birth for weeks and weeks afterwards. I wish every woman could experience that.
Birth is so amazing.
That is *so me* right now. It’s a good reminder for me to embrace this new pregnancy for how different it is. I actually brought up the fear of twins at my first midwife appointment the other week. I keep showing my husband my belly and relating how shocked I am that it could be so big at 13 weeks. I’m glad I’m not alone in my neuroses!
Hellooooo. Been there, done that. Every bit of it.
It’s so nice to read your thoughts about birth. I miss it.
Amy
I really identify with this post. I’m expecting #5 and each of my labors has been very different.
The 1st was a textbook example. The 2nd quick and easy. My 3rd was long and putzy. My 4th was 24 hours of severe pain due to baby’s acynclic head. I could do nothing but stand up with knees locked.
I have had some panic attacks thinking about that last experience, but on the other hand I figure the odds of that happening again are very unlikely.
[…] out I have a verifiable disorder with an actual name. It’s called Third Baby Syndrome, and I have it bad. According to this midwifery student, it is even mentioned in midwifery […]
Thanks for this. I’m 39 wks 5 days. And this is my baby #3. I’ve been told that 3rd babies “do their own thing”, so I’m just biding my time. And I’m actually REALLY EXCITED for this experience as it will be my first natural birth with a midwife and doula. My only frame of reference from my last two births were the standard medical model (the OBGYN’s would sooner put you on pitocin than look at you). I’m so glad to hear that this WILL BE so different, so unique, and spiritual. I’m excited to allow my body and baby to work together for once, and see what miracle we can make. I LOVE IT! Wish me luck!
The third baby, definitely true about the twin thing. My stomach expanded VERY quickly. I also had the best birth with my 3rd baby. It was so amazing!
I love reading your stories, I just hope that someday I’ll get my chance to attend all three of a woman’s births! How rewarding.
This post rings true for me, my 3rd pregnancy was completely different from my first 2. I hadn’t had morning sickness in my first 2 and suffered badly from it in the third, and fourth for that matter. I had mistakenly figured that the pregnancies would be similar and then assumed that maybe I was having a girl (first 2 were boys) and that’s why it was so different, but I was wrong about that too! The third birth was unexpectedly much worse than the first two, as well. Fortunately the 4th birth was a breeze and a girl!
I am nearing the end of my third pregnancy. I have a boy and a girl. People are constantly asking which pregnancy this one is like… neither actually, similar, but the other two were similar. And though I didn’t think I was pregnant with twins, my husband sure did! Ha ha. I always carried pretty small before, and this one popped right out in front and up high!
i have four children-every labor has intense except for the third-I had an ecstatic birth with her! It blew my mind-totally different form the other 3!
Oh yes! I thought my third was twins. That waited until my fifth pregnancy, though.
Ironically, I was barely showing until 20 weeks when I found out (and then watch out, I exploded!). I’ve been pregnant 5 times and had six children and I’ve had the absolute joy of experiencing all different kinds of labors and births and even mothering is different each time. I had two hospital births, a home birth, an unassisted birth, and then finally a twin home birth of footling breech baby a. All were special but all were different!
i’m a victim of 3rd baby syndrome. !!! i was surely humbled.
[…] and this time things have increased again. I think that, like Trish, I’m suffering from 3rd Baby Syndrome. Fear of twins, paranoia that something is wrong because it’s not the same as the last too, […]
I went to my midwife (after two glorious homebirths) for my third pregnancy and insisted that I was having twins. After no ultrasounds or any testing for my first pregnancies I asked for an amnio - they convinced me to wait.
I knew somthing was different. I could FEEL my two babies spirits. I guess this scenario is so common they dismissed my concerns and when I finally convinced myself that I was only having one baby at 24 weeks, my midwife finally admitted that she could palpate and hear two babies.
I wished that I would have been supported in my own intuition. I wished that I could have enjoyed and felt the strenght of knowing these two spirits.
they were both footling breech - so my dear plans for another homebirth turned into a c-section. It was a very hard lesson
erin
I actually have noted that all 6 of my births were different. Since I have had 6, there were similarities between some of them but each was unique. My third was my easiest and fastest birth. My 6th was actually hardest as the baby was OP but no one realized it until ten minutes before her birth (and with a hospital birth the nurse was having me push at 9 cm, and I pushed for an hour and a 1/2 after never pushing more than 15 minutes before). Each baby is different, each birth is different. I have always been influenced by my last birth, so if I have another baby, I feel for the midwife or nurse/doctor that has to deal with me in labor! I will be so scared of intervention and cervical checks, and suspicious of any monitoring and announcement of decels. I will likely not want anyone to state anything about pushing because I had to push for NO REASON for over an hour. Already thinking of doing things so differently such as waiting to call anyone and let them know I’m in labor, and am possibly switching caregiver. Of course, this is IF I ever get the privilage of being pregnant again.
Ahhhh….so that explains why this pregnancy (my third) has me measuring 20 weeks at 13 weeks then? Good, because while I wasn’t that concerned about twins, I was concerned about birthing Godzilla. It seems I’m bigger and rounder every time. By the time I have my 4th I’ll have to be driven around on a flatbed. =)
So true, Pam. Hard not to bring the past births/pregnancies into the present one. It applies to the birth attendant’s thinking, too. If you’ve attended 2 births for the woman, you expect the third will somehow fit some sort of pattern, never does. Seems all of life is a quest for “beginner’s mind”.
Then, there’s the uniqueness of the third child—that being that is willing to come in and disrupt the family symmetry. Dishes come in sets of 4, cars come with 4 seats, there are 4 chairs for the kitchen table, etc and along comes the third child who is willing to be a fifth wheel, so to speak. They get away with murder because the parents have finally learned not to sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff. They have more confidence because they’re largely ignored and they have two bigger people to protect them (the sibs). They don’t have many photos taken of them, they wander off and stay at the neighbour’s for weeks on end without being missed and, as Erma Bombeck noted, they are most likely to grow up and become a game show host! Can you tell I was a third child?
Me too! Luckily Pam kept telling me this all the way through! The pregnancy, labor, pushing…. everything was different!
I’m not sure how to email you–might be better than leaving a comment since it isn’tdirectly in regards to this particular post…
I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated a post you did about the Trust Birth Conference last February. You spoke about shifting our perception of birth.
I am a mother who gave birth at home with my first baby a year ago and recently lost twins due to prematurity. I was in the care of both a doctor and a midwife, and there seems to be no medical explanation. Anyway, my point here is that your post resonated with me. Right now it is hard for me to know where I fit into the birth community. It seems that mothers who have lost children are offended by the philosophy of trusting the process, yet recognizing the outcomes can vary greatly–and trusting that women can handle the outcomes that are given to us. But as you said, there are times when complications arise–and I feel I need to be open to necessary intervention. I have found that with some, there is a degree of naivete to this fact and a rigid view of birthing naturally no matter the circumstances does not feel right to me.
In your words,”I believe that birth is more than the emergence of a healthy fetus from a healthy woman’s womb. I believe that birth is a life-changing event that affects how we view ourselves as women and how children are treated in our world.”
Even though I do not have my sons, this statement holds true for me. Their birth changed my life and I will forever be grateful. So thank you for helping me own my philosophy.
I am a babylost mamma. And I still trust birth…
I know I’m responding to this way late but I’m so glad you wrote it. I’m pregnant with my 3rd right now and the whole experience is just throwing me for a loop. You are completely right, I keep comparing and everything is so different (especially the ridiculously quickly expanding belly…I admit twins has entered my mind with a big ?? more than once…the dreams about them have NOT been helping this OR my 4yo insisting we are having them…). It’s good to have a reminder that all of this is normal and to relax.